Sometimes I look at the direction I have taken in my life and I think 'huh?' - not from the point of view that I have messed it up, but that apparently I am so weird that I have gone down a superbly strange road in my seeking something greater than what I have been told is available. And I haven't even done it the 'conventional' weird way. I did not openly rebel against my parents, I did not join Greenpeace, I did not become a spiritual person (one psychic workshop was enough for me!), I did not seek a guru, I did not study a hundred different modalities in my quest for more. I did not visit psychics. I went to see a kinesiologist once, a pranic healer about 4 times. I went to one Reiki workshop, and I didn't quite finish a Bowen Therapy degree. They all created changes, gave me more information and an awareness that maybe, just maybe I had capacities that I hadn't realised I had. Admittedly doing that much was enough for my family to think I was a bit weird. My father in particular thinks even seeing a psychologist is taking things a bit far! So you can imagine his consternation when I came across this stuff called Access Consciousness, which has been slated as cult if you care to do a Google search on it and read all the 'bad' stuff!
Now, I may have pretended to be an ordinary, boring, white bread middle class Australian girl living a very beige life, but secretly I was hopeless at being religious, spiritual, believing what people said on face value, and if anybody told me that I had to do something or see something their way, my desire to go 'f$*# you I will not!' made me realise that I was not really in danger of falling into the trap of cult-like organisation. If fact, good luck getting me to stick to anything for more than 3 days (if you don't believe me, ask me for a copy of my resume!)!
So what was different about Access? It gave me information, questions and tools to see things differently, to see that I was not wrong, that I didn't have to choose to live my life from judgment, that I didn't have to choose crap option for life 1, 2 or 3. That I could CREATE the life I would like to have, even if no one on this planet had ever done it, would ever do it, or would ever understand it or even recognize what I was creating. I got that creating my life and being successful did not depend on what anyone else chose, what anyone else thought. Just that concept alone blew my mind and made me feel that finally I had come upon something that acknowledged what I had known and never dared talk about with anyone.
I used to get upset with myself that I couldn't be satisfied with what were my options in this reality. I decide it was me that was wrong, that I was the problem. With Access, it was the first time I was given the gift of the question 'what if you aren't wrong? What if you are just really, really different?' Yeah I am really different. I am not better, I am not worse, I am different. Further to that, I actually like my life being different, I like the fact that I can see this world is pretty crazy and insane. And I would rather know that than pull the wool over my eyes and pretend everything works and then make myself the problem in the equation when I feel so dissatisfied and depressed with my life!
So if you don't like what is being offered on the plate of your reality, if you don't like the options that people tell you are available; if choices 1,2 or 3 are not enough for you - then don't choose it! Demand that you have a different possibility! Ask yourself, what would I really like to create? If I could choose anything what would I choose?
And if by chance you read this and think, "oh god yes I am different, and I never seem to fit anywhere!" - what if that was not a problem, not a wrongness? It isn't. You're not wrong. You are not messed up. You are not a problem. A great question to ask would be 'what's right about me that I am not getting?'
What if you didn't judge you, what if you truly began to ask to see what is right about you that you have never seen before? I wonder what would change? :-)
