The 10 seconds I took to change EVERYTHING....

Yesterday I went for walk in a local bush reserve where it's pretty common to see wallabies, kangaroos, kookaburras, goannas and all kind of other wildlife, peacefully just doing their thing and not too bothered by the occasional visitors that come to walk on the 2 tracks there.

I have been back in this part of the country for nearly 3 months, and this was the first time I actually chose to go walking there since I have been here.

I'd forgotten just how peaceful and yet so very alive the place is.

I was having a bit of a moment - worrying about the future, wondering how I was going to change some things that had apparently alluded me, well, forever (or so it was my opinion at the time). And then I thought, wait - no, I am not going to squander this place, I am not going to walk along here totally oblivious to what is going on around me.  My head, my mind, for at least the length of this walk, was fired!  Out of a job, and I replaced it with one my favourite tools "choose your life in 10 second increments" - a tool I was given about 4 and a half years ago in an Access Consciousness class, a tool that I actually used to hate, but now is my tool of preference to change my life dynamically in, well, 10 seconds or less!

So I said, ok if I had 10 seconds to live the rest of my life, what am I going to choose now?  For this 10 seconds, I am going to not worry.  I am not dead, I am not hopeless, I am alive, in a  beautiful place.  Ok.  That 10 seconds is over, what am I going to choose for the next 10 seconds?  Oh, I am going to remember that thing that I keep telling my clients when they are stressing out - it's not real!  Does it feel heavy or light, this worry feeling?  Heavy?  That's because it's a lie.  So I am not going to stick myself with a lie.  Ok, that 10 seconds is over, now I have another 10 seconds.  What will I choose now?  I looked along the track, I noticed the fallen over tree trunks, the moss, the crunch of leaves and rocks and bark under my feet.  Ok, I have another 10 seconds.... I am going to demand that what isn't working for me now, to change.  I don't care what it takes to change this stuff, whatever needs to change so that I can have joy and ease in the not so joy and ease-ful areas of my life, it's changing, now!

Another 10 seconds. I see the wallabies, I see the trees move, I hear little animals rustling the forest floor, blades of grass move, but I don't see the animals that do it.  I know they are there, and I think "hello creatures, thanks for letting me know you are there!".  I say that later on to the goanna too, that is kind enough to run far far up a tree, so that I can comfortably pass without either of us being too close as to misunderstanding each other's intentions of letting the other go along about our business peacefully.

And then, in another 10 seconds, I recall a great healer I know of, Dr Dain Heer, who talks about perceiving the 'thrum' of the earth, and how I have read his mention of that many times and gone 'oh yeah', but never really thought much of it.  In the next 10 seconds, I wondered: can I feel the thrum of the earth here in this reserve?  I stopped, and I listened, and I noticed... something  I hadn't noticed before.  Like a current running through the earth, subtle, but breathing... is that the thrum he talked about?  Whatever it was, I was allowing myself to perceive everything around me differently, I was being present with something I hadn't before acknowledged, and it felt really awesome.  And now that I have noticed it,and acknowledged it,  I now have that with me, forever.  Very cool.  In the next 10 seconds, I wonder what else has always been there, in the universe, invisible and magical and available, that I hadn't noticed before?

And I become acutely aware of the sense of peace, aliveness, presence, the joy and ease I am experiencing in this moment... just BEing here, in this place, without thoughts rushing through my head and getting all caught up with one another; my body feeling energised and relaxed, not an ache in any part of me, a lightness in my whole body; and happiness, a genuine smile, a genuine sense of joy and enthusiasm for just being me... and Gratitude.  I was GRATEFUL to be me, to be here.  

And even more acutely, it kind of dawned on me that everything I was being, and experiencing in that moment, had been IMPOSSIBLE for me to even contemplate having in my life merely 4 years ago.  I could not go anywhere, not even amongst the most breathtaking of nature, and totally enjoy it.  There were always several voices in my head going on about the shoulds and shouldn'ts; the worries, the problems, the self-criticism, the pains and aches in my body, the godzillions of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and a continual feeling of restlessness and un-ease in my body. I couldn't sit, stand or walk for more than 5 minutes (though probably it was more like 30 seconds) before I felt I should be doing something else, that I shouldnt' be there, that I didn't deserve it, that I was somehow wasting my life and wasting my time. There was too much to figure out, I couldn't just BE somewhere and be happy and at ease and not think or be anxious about something! 

And yesterday, I realised that I could BE, and I have been for a while now.  And it feels so natural to me these days I had forgotten how different I used to feel.  How on edge I was about everything, all the time.

Now, being 'on edge' about just about anything feels so out of place, rather than common-place, for me.  That is a MASSIVE change in my life... and there I was thinking as I pulled up to the reserve that morning, that nothing much had really changed in my life.  Oh wow, what a bit lie I was trying to buy there - so glad I got over myself!

And, I am so glad that I wondered, 4 or 5 years ago, or whenever it was that I started to wonder, about what if would be like to have a sense of peace in my life about everything - about relationships, about money, about business and career stuff, about just being in the world, about doing what I love, and about being me (whoever that might be).  I am glad for the choices I have made so far, the journey I have been on and the tools I have come across in my life to change anything... even the impossible stuff.

And now, I wonder what I can choose in the next 10 seconds?

If you don't like what's behind door number 1, 2 or 3... what choice do you have?

I have spent most of my life trying to figure out what I had to do to get my life 'right', while secretly trying to find a way to do what I wanted to do, while most of the time not really knowing that what I actually wanted to do.. but it was pretty obvious to me that whatever it was, it was not available on the menu of life here on planet earth.  Or it was on a secret hidden menu only for especially brilliant people, and I didn't qualify!

Sometimes I look at the direction I have taken in my life and I think 'huh?' - not from the point of view that I have messed it up, but that apparently I am so weird that I have gone down a superbly strange road in my seeking something greater than what I have been told is available.  And I haven't even done it the 'conventional' weird way.  I did not openly rebel against my parents, I did not join Greenpeace, I did not become a spiritual person (one psychic workshop was enough for me!), I did not seek a guru, I did not study a hundred different modalities in my quest for more. I did not visit psychics. I went to see a kinesiologist once, a pranic healer about 4 times. I went to one Reiki workshop, and I didn't quite finish a Bowen Therapy degree.  They all created changes, gave me more information and an awareness that maybe, just maybe I had capacities that I hadn't realised I had.  Admittedly doing that much was enough for my family to think I was a bit weird.  My father in particular thinks even seeing a psychologist is taking things a bit far!  So you can imagine his consternation when I came across this stuff called Access Consciousness, which has been slated as cult if you care to do a Google search on it and read all the 'bad' stuff!

Now, I may have pretended to be an ordinary, boring, white bread middle class Australian girl living a very beige life, but secretly I was hopeless at being religious, spiritual, believing what people said on face value,  and if anybody told me that I had to do something or see something their way, my desire to go 'f$*# you I will not!' made me realise that I was not really in danger of falling into the trap of cult-like organisation.  If fact, good luck getting me to stick to anything for more than 3 days (if you don't believe me, ask me for a copy of my resume!)!

So what was different about Access?  It gave me information, questions and tools to see things differently, to see that I was not wrong, that I didn't have to choose to live my life from judgment, that I didn't have to choose crap option for life 1, 2 or 3.  That I could CREATE the life I would like to have, even if no one on this planet had ever done it, would ever do it, or would ever understand it or even recognize what I was creating.  I got that creating my life and being successful did not depend on what anyone else chose, what anyone else thought.  Just that concept alone blew my mind and made me feel that finally I had come upon something that acknowledged what I had known and never dared talk about with anyone.

I used to get upset with myself that I couldn't be satisfied with what were my options in this reality.  I decide it was me that was wrong, that I was the problem.  With Access, it was the first time I was given the gift of the question 'what if you aren't wrong?  What if you are just really, really different?'  Yeah I am really different.  I am not better, I am not worse, I am different.  Further to that, I actually like my life being different, I like the fact that I can see this world is pretty crazy and insane.  And I would rather know that than pull the wool over my eyes and pretend everything works and then make myself the problem in the equation when I feel so dissatisfied and depressed with my life!

So if you don't like what is being offered on the plate of your reality, if you don't like the options that people tell you are available;  if choices 1,2 or 3 are not enough for you - then don't choose it!  Demand that you have a different possibility! Ask yourself, what would I really like to create?  If I could choose anything what would I choose?

And if by chance you read this and think, "oh god yes I am different, and I never seem to fit anywhere!" - what if that was not a problem, not a wrongness?  It isn't.  You're not wrong.  You are not messed up.  You are not a problem.  A great question to ask would be 'what's right about me that I am not getting?'

What if you didn't judge you, what if you truly began to ask to see what is right about you that you have never seen before? I wonder what would change? :-)