The 10 seconds I took to change EVERYTHING....

Yesterday I went for walk in a local bush reserve where it's pretty common to see wallabies, kangaroos, kookaburras, goannas and all kind of other wildlife, peacefully just doing their thing and not too bothered by the occasional visitors that come to walk on the 2 tracks there.

I have been back in this part of the country for nearly 3 months, and this was the first time I actually chose to go walking there since I have been here.

I'd forgotten just how peaceful and yet so very alive the place is.

I was having a bit of a moment - worrying about the future, wondering how I was going to change some things that had apparently alluded me, well, forever (or so it was my opinion at the time). And then I thought, wait - no, I am not going to squander this place, I am not going to walk along here totally oblivious to what is going on around me.  My head, my mind, for at least the length of this walk, was fired!  Out of a job, and I replaced it with one my favourite tools "choose your life in 10 second increments" - a tool I was given about 4 and a half years ago in an Access Consciousness class, a tool that I actually used to hate, but now is my tool of preference to change my life dynamically in, well, 10 seconds or less!

So I said, ok if I had 10 seconds to live the rest of my life, what am I going to choose now?  For this 10 seconds, I am going to not worry.  I am not dead, I am not hopeless, I am alive, in a  beautiful place.  Ok.  That 10 seconds is over, what am I going to choose for the next 10 seconds?  Oh, I am going to remember that thing that I keep telling my clients when they are stressing out - it's not real!  Does it feel heavy or light, this worry feeling?  Heavy?  That's because it's a lie.  So I am not going to stick myself with a lie.  Ok, that 10 seconds is over, now I have another 10 seconds.  What will I choose now?  I looked along the track, I noticed the fallen over tree trunks, the moss, the crunch of leaves and rocks and bark under my feet.  Ok, I have another 10 seconds.... I am going to demand that what isn't working for me now, to change.  I don't care what it takes to change this stuff, whatever needs to change so that I can have joy and ease in the not so joy and ease-ful areas of my life, it's changing, now!

Another 10 seconds. I see the wallabies, I see the trees move, I hear little animals rustling the forest floor, blades of grass move, but I don't see the animals that do it.  I know they are there, and I think "hello creatures, thanks for letting me know you are there!".  I say that later on to the goanna too, that is kind enough to run far far up a tree, so that I can comfortably pass without either of us being too close as to misunderstanding each other's intentions of letting the other go along about our business peacefully.

And then, in another 10 seconds, I recall a great healer I know of, Dr Dain Heer, who talks about perceiving the 'thrum' of the earth, and how I have read his mention of that many times and gone 'oh yeah', but never really thought much of it.  In the next 10 seconds, I wondered: can I feel the thrum of the earth here in this reserve?  I stopped, and I listened, and I noticed... something  I hadn't noticed before.  Like a current running through the earth, subtle, but breathing... is that the thrum he talked about?  Whatever it was, I was allowing myself to perceive everything around me differently, I was being present with something I hadn't before acknowledged, and it felt really awesome.  And now that I have noticed it,and acknowledged it,  I now have that with me, forever.  Very cool.  In the next 10 seconds, I wonder what else has always been there, in the universe, invisible and magical and available, that I hadn't noticed before?

And I become acutely aware of the sense of peace, aliveness, presence, the joy and ease I am experiencing in this moment... just BEing here, in this place, without thoughts rushing through my head and getting all caught up with one another; my body feeling energised and relaxed, not an ache in any part of me, a lightness in my whole body; and happiness, a genuine smile, a genuine sense of joy and enthusiasm for just being me... and Gratitude.  I was GRATEFUL to be me, to be here.  

And even more acutely, it kind of dawned on me that everything I was being, and experiencing in that moment, had been IMPOSSIBLE for me to even contemplate having in my life merely 4 years ago.  I could not go anywhere, not even amongst the most breathtaking of nature, and totally enjoy it.  There were always several voices in my head going on about the shoulds and shouldn'ts; the worries, the problems, the self-criticism, the pains and aches in my body, the godzillions of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and a continual feeling of restlessness and un-ease in my body. I couldn't sit, stand or walk for more than 5 minutes (though probably it was more like 30 seconds) before I felt I should be doing something else, that I shouldnt' be there, that I didn't deserve it, that I was somehow wasting my life and wasting my time. There was too much to figure out, I couldn't just BE somewhere and be happy and at ease and not think or be anxious about something! 

And yesterday, I realised that I could BE, and I have been for a while now.  And it feels so natural to me these days I had forgotten how different I used to feel.  How on edge I was about everything, all the time.

Now, being 'on edge' about just about anything feels so out of place, rather than common-place, for me.  That is a MASSIVE change in my life... and there I was thinking as I pulled up to the reserve that morning, that nothing much had really changed in my life.  Oh wow, what a bit lie I was trying to buy there - so glad I got over myself!

And, I am so glad that I wondered, 4 or 5 years ago, or whenever it was that I started to wonder, about what if would be like to have a sense of peace in my life about everything - about relationships, about money, about business and career stuff, about just being in the world, about doing what I love, and about being me (whoever that might be).  I am glad for the choices I have made so far, the journey I have been on and the tools I have come across in my life to change anything... even the impossible stuff.

And now, I wonder what I can choose in the next 10 seconds?

If you don't like what's behind door number 1, 2 or 3... what choice do you have?

I have spent most of my life trying to figure out what I had to do to get my life 'right', while secretly trying to find a way to do what I wanted to do, while most of the time not really knowing that what I actually wanted to do.. but it was pretty obvious to me that whatever it was, it was not available on the menu of life here on planet earth.  Or it was on a secret hidden menu only for especially brilliant people, and I didn't qualify!

Sometimes I look at the direction I have taken in my life and I think 'huh?' - not from the point of view that I have messed it up, but that apparently I am so weird that I have gone down a superbly strange road in my seeking something greater than what I have been told is available.  And I haven't even done it the 'conventional' weird way.  I did not openly rebel against my parents, I did not join Greenpeace, I did not become a spiritual person (one psychic workshop was enough for me!), I did not seek a guru, I did not study a hundred different modalities in my quest for more. I did not visit psychics. I went to see a kinesiologist once, a pranic healer about 4 times. I went to one Reiki workshop, and I didn't quite finish a Bowen Therapy degree.  They all created changes, gave me more information and an awareness that maybe, just maybe I had capacities that I hadn't realised I had.  Admittedly doing that much was enough for my family to think I was a bit weird.  My father in particular thinks even seeing a psychologist is taking things a bit far!  So you can imagine his consternation when I came across this stuff called Access Consciousness, which has been slated as cult if you care to do a Google search on it and read all the 'bad' stuff!

Now, I may have pretended to be an ordinary, boring, white bread middle class Australian girl living a very beige life, but secretly I was hopeless at being religious, spiritual, believing what people said on face value,  and if anybody told me that I had to do something or see something their way, my desire to go 'f$*# you I will not!' made me realise that I was not really in danger of falling into the trap of cult-like organisation.  If fact, good luck getting me to stick to anything for more than 3 days (if you don't believe me, ask me for a copy of my resume!)!

So what was different about Access?  It gave me information, questions and tools to see things differently, to see that I was not wrong, that I didn't have to choose to live my life from judgment, that I didn't have to choose crap option for life 1, 2 or 3.  That I could CREATE the life I would like to have, even if no one on this planet had ever done it, would ever do it, or would ever understand it or even recognize what I was creating.  I got that creating my life and being successful did not depend on what anyone else chose, what anyone else thought.  Just that concept alone blew my mind and made me feel that finally I had come upon something that acknowledged what I had known and never dared talk about with anyone.

I used to get upset with myself that I couldn't be satisfied with what were my options in this reality.  I decide it was me that was wrong, that I was the problem.  With Access, it was the first time I was given the gift of the question 'what if you aren't wrong?  What if you are just really, really different?'  Yeah I am really different.  I am not better, I am not worse, I am different.  Further to that, I actually like my life being different, I like the fact that I can see this world is pretty crazy and insane.  And I would rather know that than pull the wool over my eyes and pretend everything works and then make myself the problem in the equation when I feel so dissatisfied and depressed with my life!

So if you don't like what is being offered on the plate of your reality, if you don't like the options that people tell you are available;  if choices 1,2 or 3 are not enough for you - then don't choose it!  Demand that you have a different possibility! Ask yourself, what would I really like to create?  If I could choose anything what would I choose?

And if by chance you read this and think, "oh god yes I am different, and I never seem to fit anywhere!" - what if that was not a problem, not a wrongness?  It isn't.  You're not wrong.  You are not messed up.  You are not a problem.  A great question to ask would be 'what's right about me that I am not getting?'

What if you didn't judge you, what if you truly began to ask to see what is right about you that you have never seen before? I wonder what would change? :-)

Don't Give Up. Don't Slow Down. Be Kind to You!

Today these words popped into my head. Sometimes I get so excited and inspired about what is possible, but I feel like I get 'stuck'. What do I choose? What can I create? It's all jumbly!!!

I don't know if any of you can relate, but I can let you in on what gives me a lot more ease in those moments - not judging it! Being in allowance... cool, it's all jumbly! How does it get any better than that? I wonder what the universe is cooking up for me right now?

What if everything is the opposite of what it appears to be? What if it's a time for you to be, with no pressure of what you have to choose, but you can take the time to put your requests to the universe and then get on with your day, 10 seconds at a time!

What if the jumbly-ness was a time of wonder and play?

Try asking - what would like to create as my life? What energies would be a part of my life if I had infinite choice? I wonder how that can show up with ease? Cool, now what would I like to choose in this 10 seconds? And now in this 10 seconds? What if there was no right or wrong, no choice better than another, no outcome or result better than another, and you could just choose... anything?

:-) Thank you for you

Whose Rules Are We Living By?

I recently have been reflecting on how much my life has changed over the last few years, since I came across The Bars and Access Consciousness - it's this stuff that I call 'a really, really awesome toolkit for changing ANYTHING that doesn't work in your life, and creating what does!"

 

I was commenting to a client recently  who asked about how I started out with this Access stuff, that when I first came across this it, I really had no cognitive idea what was going on, or what the Bars was really doing, or what the Clearing Statement was doing (aka the magic wand I always knew I should've had as a kid!  Find out more at www.theclearingstatement.com ). Sure I had the manuals, I had learned where to place my fingers on someone's head so I was on the 'Bars' points, but if you had asked me what it was doing or why I was doing it, I probably couldn't have put it to words, other than it felt really different from anything I had done, and I just knew I had to go further.

I do remember thinking with excitement before my first ever Foundation & Level One classes (the core classes that come next after The Bars - yay there's more!!!) , I might finally be able to get clarity on all the things it has never been ok to talk about! Like money, death, love, what the hell I was doing on this planet and maybe even (though probably not) the paralysing fear that would grip me on a regular basis until I was in a fully fledged panic attack. And a million other things that had been going on my life that I knew if I talked about it to 'normal' people, would think I was crazy and probably need psychiatric help! But in my world, I knew I wasn't really crazy, and I couldn't understand why I seemed to be at the effect of so many things.... some of which I could kind of understand (eg my conditioning from my parents and their points of view), and some of which made absolutely no sense to me at all. The end result was the same, I felt totally helpless and clueless about what to be, do and create. It seemed like I could hear everyone else's voices and opinions of how I should live my life, but never my own. What did my own voice even sound like?

I remember leaping in the deep end at my first class and blurting out all these questions I had locked away for so long. My amazing facilitator was kind and generous with me. She didn't balk at my questions, or call me crazy. She took me down a road of questioning that I hadn't expected and got me looking at things in a totally different way. I was surprised, relieved, grateful, a little bit confused, not really sure how what we were talking about was applicable to my questions, but my body began to relax and a sense of a different possibility began to shine in my world.

Probably for the first year of doing Access classes, I didn't really know why I was drawn to the classes and kept going, I just knew something was shifting, even if I couldn't pinpoint it, or make a lot of sense of it. It was all kind of jumbly! But as I went on, the jumble and the knots and the anxiety and the doubt and the fear all started unravelling... and every time I would see more of the magic that I truly could create was available and accessible, and not just in the realm of 'playing pretend' that it was labelled for me as a kid. It was a reality, and it was up to me to choose it.

What if everything that you thought was totally and irrevocably unchangeable in your life, actually was totally changeable? Would you be willing to take a leap and follow what you know will change it, even if it doesn't make sense? Even if it NEVER makes sense?

I will be forever grateful for the Core Classes of Access. And I love that the classes are changing, becoming faster, lighter, creating more laughter, peace, joy and ease for so many people!  And it's not that it's a workshop, or a class, it's that it is a space that launches you out of the 'Matrix' and gives you tools to keep changing and keep expanding.  I don't know about you, but for me that's more exciting than just about any other thing out there I have come across.  How does it get any better than that? :-)

What would a world without meanness be like?

I am so lucky.  I have in recent months opened up to a world where people who are truly willing to contribute to, be grateful for and acknowledge me in ways I never thought were possible are showing up in my life, seemingly in droves!  I noticed that these people started showing up when I began to choose to be more kind, grateful and acknowledging of me, my life and everything I have created... even the funky stuff!

To me, a world without meanness starts where I choose to not be mean to me. Where I don't judge me and the choices I have made or haven't made.  There is a space of ease in my life, where I don't need to fixate on the past, or try to determine what I could have or should have done, or what I have to try and avoid in the future.  Instead I am grateful for every choice I ever made because it got me to where I am right now, where I am sitting here making the demand to never be less than I am and never be the effect of anything! 

I know I don't have to create my life based on the opinions of others and whether they were being kind or unkind, how much money I have, the relationships I am in, or whether I believe I deserve things or not.

I am not perfect.  I often forget how potent I really am.  I don't always think I can be and do everything I can be or do.  And I don't always choose it.  But then I look at the world around me, and I see the meanness that exists and I ask myself do I wish to be a perpetrator of meanness or a perpetrator of kindness in my world?  And the best way to start to change that is to give up being mean to me... to give up the judgment of me, to give up believing I do not have infinite choices, to give up the idea that there is or ever has been anything wrong with me, ever. It makes it so much easier to choose to be kind to others too, and to not judge other's if they choose to be not so kind.

In a world where meanness was not a reality, what greatness would be possible?  What if kindness, not meanness ruled the world? Would that be a world you would be truly grateful to live in?

The Adventure of Living continues...and begins with a question!

About 6 and a half years ago I started a blog of my adventures in Japan and kept it up for about a year.  I really had not recognised how much I experienced in that year until I rediscovered this site this week!

What a kick to look over my previous posts and recall how much I have been, seen and done already.  Sometimes it's easy to forget, especially on those days that I am thinking to myself 'I am not doing enough, I haven't achieved everything I know I am capable of!'

So the last 6.5 years....  feels like 6,500 years!

I realised that I was really good at doing the 'ups and downs' of life... emotionally and physically, and yet looking back at my travels and writings, I still found the fun and joy and humour in everything somehow!

Sometimes I think 'if I knew then what I know now, I would've had even more fun!'... but the thing is, looking back at this stuff, I DID know something then.  Maybe I didn't always have the tools to get out of the 'funk' on bad-hair days, but I did have that sense of adventure, the caring and gratitude for the people around me, and a sense that something greater was always possible. I knew life could be even MORE happy and more fun in general, not just when I was travelling.

I distinctly remember one point in particular that launched me in a different direction.  I was in my apartment in Japan in 2005, and I was upset about some friends who were fighting. I cared about them both and I couldn't figure out whose point of view was 'right'.  I realised how much judgement we fling back and forth at each other, and I thought 'well, everyone judges, right?  That's just the way it is.  But it's so f*&^ing uncomfortable..... isn't there a way around it?  Is there a way not to judge?  Is it possible to exist without judgement, or does it have to be a 'fact' of life?'.  And I don't think I thought much about it after that.  That question however, opened up a door in my world.

Fast forward a few years to Australia in 2009.  New life, new challenges, trying to find what the heck I was supposed to be doing with myself on this planet, and doing relationship drama.  I went to talk to a friend and she said, "hey let's try this 'energy shifting' stuff I discovered.  It's kinda weird, but it's easy and fun, anyone can do it.  I will ask you questions and when the energy comes up we are gonna clear it, kind of like a cosmic vacuum cleaner to clear up the crap!"  So she asked me questions about what was going on, and I could feel my head getting light and spinny as she talked.  I didn't really know what was going on, but I knew something was happening!  When I walked away from talking with her, I realised that all the angst and drama about the situation I had made so significant was just... gone. I  didn't have a judgement in my universe around it.  In fact, I didn't have a point of view about how that situation would turn out, I literally could not find what it was that had made me so upset to begin with.  WTF?

Several months later I was doing some mundane task at home, and  I just stopped in the middle of what I was doing as the penny finally dropped. I was struck by the recollection of that question I had asked myself years ago in my Japanese apartment.  That simple, slightly head-spinny talk I had with my friend had shifted me so quickly out of judgement of a situation I had previously thought had no happy solution, and it had not been an issue in my life since.  It had been nearly a year and that drama, angst, judgement had not returned to my world.  It was gone forever. My hand started shaking as I picked up the phone and called her '.... hi hon, er, what WAS that stuff you did with me last year?'  I knew this was the moment I was choosing to walk through the door I had opened with that question 5 years before.  And maybe I had been a bit slow in making the connection, but once I clicked, there was nothing that would stop me from going forward and demanding more!

I am so grateful I asked that question, it changed absolutely everything in my life and continues to change it! I now ask questions every day.  I am always hungry to know what else is possible?  If I can begin to change something that I thought was previously insurmountable with a question and some simple tools, what else could change?  What else could be easy that I thought was hard or impossible?  I kind of get excited the more I ask!

If you knew that a question could begin to change ANYTHING in your life, what questions would you ask?  :-)  Just a thought until next time!

I Have Emerged From Underground

Yes, I have finally come to visit my page after a long absence. Blame Facebook, and relocating across country, and searching for purpose. It all takes up a lot of time!

I am currently typing here because I am temping at reception of a Real Estate office, and I am bored beyond bored. Just the nightmare I had been hoping to avoid. The saving grace is that it is a well paying nightmare, so I will stick it out, til the end of the day, and then tomorrow I am going somewhere else, so meeting new people and learning new tricks should keep me going for another couple of days.

Thank goodness for my hobbies! I just wish my hobbies were more portable though.